Bad things always come in Threes
by azul-jisbon
Summary: 3XK is back, and he has something very particular in mind. UPDATED.
1. One in three

**Hey, so this is my first Castle story, not sure how long it'll be, depends if people like it I guess. This is an idea that just kinda came to me and I thought it was kinda creepy. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I own none of it :(**

Life for Kate Beckett was pretty good at the moment. Okay, there was some evil murderer out there who wanted her dead, and she still hadn't caught her mother's murderer, but she knew that she'd get there. She was closer than she'd ever been, and she had someone who she knew would help her through right until the end. Someone who loved her. She smiled involuntarily at that. Someone who loved her, but not just anyone. Castle. Castle loved her, and she finally knew it. She'd loved him for such a long time, she could hardly remember when she'd started loving him. All she knew is that she'd never thought that he'd felt the same, until that awful day. That awful wonderful day. The day she'd nearly died, but the day he'd told her he loved her. Of course, he didn't know that she knew, and he didn't know that she loved him too, but she kinda liked having that control. She'd tell him when she was ready, for now it was just enough to know that he loved her and that he wasn't going anywhere.

She walked into the 12th precinct with a smile on her face, and rode the elevator up feeling positive about the day ahead. Just as she was stepping out of the elevator a mail man apprehended her

'Excuse me, miss, are you Detective Beckett?'

'Yes,' she smiled at him 'You need anything?'

'Just for you to sign for this,' he said handing her a package

'Oh, great, thanks,' she said, slightly confused. Had she ordered something? Oh well. Maybe it was a present. She tucked the package under her arm and walked into the bullpen. When she set her things down on her desk she noticed a little commotion at the other end of the room and walked over to see what was going on. Her murder board was completely surrounded by people and she couldn't even get to it to see what was going on

;Hey, Ryan?' she called

'Boss,' he greeted her more seriously then was usual for him

'What's going on?' she asked, concerned

'Check it out yourself,' he said parting the uniforms with his arms. Beckett stared at the board for a minute, taking in the information.

'Oh god,' she sighed when she'd finished 'He's back,'

'Who's back?' Castle asked from behind her. She turned to face him and he absently placed a coffee in her hands

'The triple killer,' Beckett said carefully, remembering what Castle went through with the guy, and remembering the own painful pang of fear she'd experienced when, for just a few minutes, she'd thought he was probably dead.

'3XK?' Castle asked, a slight defensive note creeping into his voice. Beckett knew how responsible he would feel 'Who's he killed then?' Castle asked, coughing uncomfortably

'Diana Craig,' Esposito offered from the board where he was writing down lots of theories followed by big red questions marks '26, had a live in boyfriend Terry Hanson but we're not really bothered with him,'

'Yeah it's by the book 3XK,' Ryan continued from his partner 'Only thing is there's not a book which released all these details so it has to be 3XK, ironic huh?' they all just looked at him 'Just saying!' he protested 'Anyway, as I was saying, strangled with green rope, left in a peaceful sleeping position. And of course, she was blonde,' Beckett sighed, this was gonna be a hard case, and it was gonna reopen wounds that Ryan and Castle were carrying

'Right,' she said, addressing her team carefully 'Assuming that Diana is the first victim, we can expect two more within the next week unless we can stop him. So, let's move to stop him. Esposito get an APB on him, Ryan I want you to dredge up all the security footage that you can from around the crime scene, if we're lucky we might be able to get a pretty accurate time frame on the murder, then we can work out how far he's gone,'

'What d'you want me to do?' Castle asked looking desperately like someone who wanted to help, but didn't know how

'Castle just, just go with Ryan to check on surveillance okay?'

'Kay,' he replied a little sulkily, Beckett guessed that he wanted to help her, but she needed to have a little alone time to sort out her thoughts. She headed back to her desk where she sat done and pulled the parcel towards her. She opened it absently, there was a note in there, not long, not more than a side of A5, but she'd only read the first few lines when she had to stop herself. It read:

_Dear Kate,_

_Most girls are told that they're one in a billion, or one in six billion, or at least they like to be told that. As it is, you are only one in three. One in my three._

At this point she stopped reading, and a terrible chill came over her. She glanced down into the envelope, saw a packet of something and pulled it out. Then she looked at the murder board with all of 3XK's previous beautiful blonde victims on, and then back to the packet of peroxide in her hand.

**Hey so hope you like it! Reviews appreciated! :)**

**Emz xx**


	2. All a lie

**Hey so I didn't manage to write this chapter as well as I'd hoped I could**, **but I hope you like it anyway**. **Thank you so much to all reviewers/favouriters and people who've added me to alerts, mean alot! :) so I hope it's worth it!  
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**Disclaimer: Don't own it**

Beckett sat on her couch, turning the small packet of hair dye over and over in her hand. Then she picked up the note again, reading it, praying for the words to change if she looked at them long enough.

They didn't, they just stayed the same.

_Dear Kate_, she read it again,

_Most girls are told that they're one in a billion, or one in six billion, or at least they like to be told that. As it is, you are only one in three. One in my three._

_It's come to my attention that your partner, Mr. Castle, must be feeling awfully guilty about failing to arrest me, and this gives me so much pleasure, I feel the need to show him just how guilty he should feel. You see, whilst I have nothing personal against yourself, Mr. Castle has become an inconvenience to me, after all, it was him that discovered my true identity. My life was perfect until your little writer man ruined it for me, I could walk around without fear of being arrested, arrested for my care and service towards the community. Arrested for ridding the world of those disgustingly sweet pretenders. And now, I am an outcast, forced to hide from the police, from everyone. _

_I have to make him pay for that._

_And you're going to help me do it._

_Of course, you're not really my type, that's why I've sent you a present. I have to keep up appearances you see. You have a choice now Kate, you can accept my gift willingly and await your fate which I promise will be painless. Or you can resist me, try to catch me, and I swear I will make things very difficult for you. Very painful. And I will of course have to help you use your gift, something which I will enjoy immensely, although I doubt you will. I'm afraid there's no escape for you Kate my dear, you see I have to seek my revenge on Castle for ruining my life. I do, after all, have a reputation to uphold._

_I look forward to our meeting._

_Yours,_

_Jerry_

By the time she'd finished reading it she was shaking again, and she began to panic. If 3XK was after her, then that meant he was out to get Castle, and she couldn't even think about what he might do to him…or to her.

She had to tell him, maybe they could come up with a plan together, a plan to stop him. She decided to ring him and ask him to come over. She reached into her pocket and retrieved her cell phone, hitting speed dial and waiting as it rang.

'Hey Castle,' she greeted him shakily when he answered, absently noting how strange it was that he took so long to answer 'Can I talk to you about something?'

'Er, will it take long?' he asked, sounding distracted

'Well, I was thinking you could come over,' she said, suddenly feeling like she was intruding on something

'Yeah, sorry Beckett, I'm kinda busy,' he sounded almost cross, as if he just wanted her to leave him alone

'Busy?' she asked, what could he possibly be doing? For godness sake, he spent most of his time hanging on her every word 'What are you doing?'

'I've, er, I've got a date,' he said

'Oh,' a date? Why did he have date? He was supposed to be in love with her.

'Yeah,' he continued 'She's this model who's been wanting to have dinner for ages, her dad introduced us, he's an old friend. You know I think he wants me to marry her,' he laughed 'She's super hot though, whether it lasts or not, should be a good evening, if you know what I mean,'

'Great,' Beckett snapped at him then hung up the phone. What was he on about? Maybe he's drunk, she thought, although she wasn't convinced. Confused, she sat down and turned on the TV, absently flicking through channels.

As time went on and the television began to hold less and less interes for her, Beckett began to worry about her conversation with Castle. What if he hadn't been drunk, or joking. What if he really was out on a date with a superhot supermodel?

She decided to call him again

The phone rang even longer this time, and when he picked it up he sounded irritated.

'What is it Beckett?'

'I, er,' she didn't know what to say, there was only one thing she wanted to say, but she knew it could end very badly. Then the image of him cosying up with a model, looking into her eyes the way he looked into hers sometimes, and she snapped 'You love me,' she said bluntly, regretting the words as soon as she spoke them

'What?' he asked, and there was a catch in his voice she didn't understand

'You love me. You said you did when I was dying. You love me, so what're you doing going on dates with models?'

'Beckett, I thought you said you didn't remember the shooting,'

'Well I do,' she replied 'And I want you to explain

'Look, Beckett…I, you-you were dying, and it's obvious the way you feel about me, I was just trying to make you happy,'

Beckett was almost speechless 'I..you..lied?' she asked, shocked

'Pretty much, but I thought you forgot so it wouldn't be a problem. Honestly Beckett why did you think I've followed you around so long? I owe you for the success of Nikki Heat, the least I could do was make you feel appreciated. Look I have to go, please don't make a big deal out of this, you'll just embarrass yourself,'

Beckett let her phone slip from her hand. What had just happened? Castle, her Castle. The man who had followed her around for such a long time, watching her like an adoring puppy, supporting her through everything that had happened in the last few years, had been lying to her.

Suddenly it all came crashing down on her. Castle didn't love her, didn't even really care about her. The last three years had all been a lie, a joke, and she was the butt of it. Tears of anger at his betrayal began to slip out of her eyes and she brushed them away angrily.

What was the point? When she'd cried to Castle about eberyone being gone, she'd known that they weren't really. Because he had still been there. But now she realisd he'd never really been there, not for her anyway. Everyone really was gone.

She slumped back down and picked up the packet of blonde hair dye, considering it. What the hell? She thought. That bastard wants to kill me then I might as well make it easy for him. And without thinking anymore about it, Beckett headed to her bathroom, packet in hand.

**Hope you like it :) All reviews really appreciated :)**

**Emz xx**


	3. I'm the winner

**Hey, this ones a bit shorter but I'm gonna get working on the next chapter as well. Thank you to everyone supporting me, Really appreciate it :)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

It didn't suit her, Beckett thought as she looked at her newly lightened locks. Sure it didn't look_ bad_, it just wasn't really her. What did it matter anyway. She was going to die soon anyway.

She walked slowly around her apartment, looking absently at her possesions, those stupid little things that she valued, suddenly not seeming nearly so important. She picked up her guitar and began to strum it absently

A knock on the door interupted her, and she got up to see who it was who was disturbing her final moments.

She opened the door, and stepped back in shock

'Good decision,' he said 'You're hotter blonde,' he walked in without being invited and started looking around as if a guest

'How did you know?' she asked warily

'I was watching, of course. My apologies about Mr. Castle, it's certainly going to make my plan a little less effective. Nevertheless, it'll be fun, won't it?'

Beckett just stared at him, there was an almost childish excitement in his face, an excitement that sickened her slightly.

'What do you want, Jerry,' she asked quietly

'You know what I want,' he replied just as quietly, playing absently with her guitar 'I want to kill you,' he said it like he was simply tellingher he wanted a cup of coffee 'It's your time, Kate, I've won,'

She backed away from him involantarily but he grabbed her arm and held on to her tight.

'Don't run away from me, Kate, I'm your future, I control you know,' Beckett began to panic and she quickly aimed a kick at him, but he was quicker than her and in one deft move he twirled the guitar round so he was holding it like a club then brought it smashing down over her head, knocking her to the floor where her blood began to soak into the carpet through her newly dyed blonde hair.

…

'Hang up now,' he instructed, smiling wickedly. Castle obeyed. 'I have to say that was beautifully done, I think you've inherited some of that talent from your mother here,' he laughed coldly then and shoved Martha out of his way using the gun he'd had held in her back.

'Thank you for your help, my dear,'

Martha didn't reply, she simply got up and walked to where her son was standing, his phone still in his hand.

'Well, I suppose I've outstayed my welcome here then,' he walked to the door, accompanied by their angry silence, but as he opened the door Castle quietly asked him 'Why?' he turned towards the writer, looking at him questioningly 'Why did you make me do that? What was the point? Why did it even matter?'

'Because,' he replied, turning back to the door again 'I needed you to break her, it'll make killing her so much easier you see,'

Castle's lowered head snapped up 'What?' he ran towards the murderer just as he slammed the door. He tried to open it, but a calm voice from the other side informed him that it was locked 'I can't have you snapping at my heels now can I? I like to take my time over the kill. Tell you what, I'll tell her you say sorry, shall I?'

Castle slammed his fist against the door 'NO! STOP! If you touch her I swear…' he couldn't finish, he sunk down against the door, worry taking over him.

'Oh, Castle,' the voice came through the locked door 'Since you were so helpful, I'll give you a word of advice-you may want t stay out of the fridge for the next…oh, I don't know, twenty seconds or so,'

Instinctively, Castle ran towards the kitchen, just as the fridge exploded, knocking him to the floor unconscious.

**Hope you liked it! Feel free to tell me what you think :)**

**Emz xx**


	4. In the dark

**Hey, next chapter, again is a bit shorter but hey it's here. Thank you for all reviews favorites etc. :)**

**Disclaimer: Mucha as I want it..it's not mine**

Beckett's head was throbbing as she woke up, and as she reached to rub it she realised that she was handcuffed to some object, invisible to her in the dakness.

'Hello?' she called softly, her voice shaking slightly

'Kate, darling. You've woken up,' she heard movement in the dark and she felt him move close to her then run his hand through her hair. She shook her head violantly to try to get him off, but he simply wound his fingers in tightly and tugged.

'I'm so pleased you accepted my gift,' he almost purred 'Blondes have more fun you see,'

Disgusted, Beckett jerked her head away, bracing herself for the pain that would come from his resistence. Shit, this is bad, she thought, this guy really is a complete psychopath. That was going to make talking herself out if this completely impossible, and he'd already made physical resistence impossible. In fact, the odds of getting out of this were incredibly slim, but she almost surprised herself by how calm she felt. Death was part of the job for her, and it was almost made easier knowing that no one would miss her that much.

'Can we just get this over with please?' she asked through her teeth

'Get on with what?' he asked casually

'Killing me,'

He laughed

'Oh no, not yet. In fact right now I'm afraid I need to leave you. I do, after all, have a reputation to uphold. The end of the week is getting ever closer, and I've only killed one girl so far,' and with that he stroked her hair one more time and then disappeared into the blackness

…

The minute Castle woke up he reached for his cell phone and hit the speed dial. It rang for what seemed like an eternity until someone eventually picked up

'Beckett? Beckett? Are you okay? Beckett?'

'Oh she's fine,' Jerry answered 'A little…preoccupied, but fine all the same,'

'Where is she?' he asked, trying to regulate his breathing, trying to stay calm.

'Safe,' came his enfuriating reply 'Now if you'll excuse me, I have a little matter of business to attend to,'

'Don't you dare hurt her!' he shouted

'Oh calm down, not her, not this time, but it's time to kill my second,'

'Let her go, Jerry, she's not even your type, just let her go…please,'

'I'm afraid I can't do that, Castle, and besides, she is my type now,'

Castle was confused by that, and before he could ask him to elaborate, the phone went dead again. As he replaced the phone in his pocket, he finally took note of his surroundings. He wasn't, as he had assumed, in his apartment but in what looked like a small basement room. He looked around and saw a door which he promptly crossed over to and opened. The room he entered was much like the one he had just exited, only where the door had been there was a small hatch in the floor with a ladder descending from it. Castle descended the ladder and walked deeper into the room. The room was big, so big that after he'd been walking a few minutes he could no longer see the light from where he'd entered. He couldn't see anything.

He carried on walking blindly until he tripped over something on the floor and came crashing down on top of it. Something soft, and warm…almost like a-

'Get _off_ of me!' it said, in a wonderfully familiar voice

'Beckett?' he asked, scrambling off of her

'Castle?' she replied 'Is that you?'

'Oh my god Beckett! You have no idea how worried I was about you!' clumsily he put his arms around her and hugged her tightly. Thank god she was okay, he didn't know what he would have done if she hadn't been

'You don't have to lie,' she said, almost coldly 'Just get me outta here, if that's what you're even here for,'

'Well, yeah, of course,' suddenly Castle realised he had no recollection of getting here, of anything between the explosion and now.

The sound of footfalls not to far away alerted them to the fact that they were no longer alone

'Oh, would you look at that,' the voice laughed 'My special guest is here and I've already done my second-today could just not get better,'

'Wait, what?' Castle asked 'Why do you need me here?'

'All in good time,' he replied so quietly it was almost a whisper 'Now blondie, it's time for us all to have some fun-before I kill you and your little lover boy here,'

**Hope you like it, sorry if I'm offending anyone with the blonde thing, but his victims are sposed to be blondes...and i'm blonde too. Reviews appreciated :)**

**Emz xx**


	5. Don't hit girls

**Hey so here's the next one, am going away next weekend so will try update as soon as I can after I get back. Thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed/favorited/added me to alerts. I really appreciate it :)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

He was a weird kinda serial killer, Beckett thought as she sat there in the darkness. Strangely talkative. Castle had told her his theory about Jerry's mother, and her being the reason for him killing, and now she really understood. He wanted-needed even-the attention. Much as he hated Castle for revealing his identity, in some ways the writer was still a kind of company.

A noise in the darkness made her sit up suddenly

'Good little chat, Castle, completely fascinating how truly messed up you really are,' he was saying, as what sounded like one person being dragged by another came closer 'You're very nearly as bad as me,'

They were closer now, and she felt something slump against the wall next to her.

'Castle?' she asked quietly, concerned

'Oh, he'll be alright in a while, we had a very long talk after all, tiring'

'What did you do to him?' she asked, anger beginning to well up inside her

'Oh all sorts. You see, Kate, I have a slight problem. All this pent up anger makes me feel very violent, but my mummy told me never to hit girls,'

'So you kill them instead?'

'No, that's different. I kill girls peacefully, think of it like I'm death and I just take the life from them, it's a higher authority that tells me to kill them,'

'Wait, you don't work alone?' Beckett became more alert

'No! You're not understanding me, Kate. The women that I kill need to die, they're all beautiful and blonde and they use that against people. They all make people fall in love with them, and then break their hearts. They _have_ to die.'

'Well if that's the case then what's the problem?' she asked

'I told you. I'm _angry_. I had a good thing going, and your writer man here went and spoiled all of it,' Beckett smiled a little inspite of herself when he used the word 'your' to describe Castle, that was after all how she liked to think of him

Castle groaned a little then and moved slightly. Beckett became serious again, feeling the anger return at his obvious pain

'What did you do to him, Jerry?'

'Oh I just hit him a bit. I told you, I was feeling especially violent and I needed to _hit_ something,'

'Why didn't you just hit me?'

'Because you're a _girl_. Have you not been listening? I don't beat up girls!' he was getting angrier, and he sounded slightly psychotic now, so Beckett decided not to push the matter further.

It was too late however, he was angry again, and Beckett didn't know what killed her more-the sickening sound of the repeated blows being dealt to Castle's stomach or the agonizing coughing noise he made on each one.

'Stop it, Jerry, just stop it.' she tried to keep her voice strong, commanding although she felt the urge to simply beg

'Say please!' he said

'Please, Jerry' the sound died away

'I'll be back later,' his voice was still full of anger but he almost reminded Beckett of a teenager in a sulk. She turned to Castle.

'Castle? Castle, are you okay?' she was trying to stay calm but panic was creeping into her voice. She felt for is face in the darkness and then moved her hands down to his waist, pulling him gently towards her. He shifted weakly and moved to lean against her and she cringed internally as she felt his shirt, completely soaked in what could only be blood.

'Castle? Castle! Talk to me Castle, please!'

He groaned

'Castle!'

He shifted again, trying to sit up

'Ouch,' he breathed, still shifting slightly 'Beckett?... Beckett?...You there?'

'Yeah, I'm here,' she breathed 'Castle what'd he do to you?'

'Just…just…talked,' his voice was strained with effort

'Oh c'mon, Castle, you can hardly move,'

'Wasn't…finished. Likes to…kick..when he..talks,' his point was emphasized by another groan as he tried to move again.

'Are you okay?' she knew it was a stupid question, but she didn't know what else to say. She hated that he was in pain.

'I'm…fine…ish,' he laughed weakly 'Just…give me…a minute,'

Slowly she slid her arm underneath him and pulled him closer, placing her cheek on his head and stroking his hair as comfortingly as she could.

'Has he…hurt you?' he asked, his weak voice strangely strengthened by it's protective note

'Not like you,' she said quietly

'But..he has?'

'It's not important,'

'What's..he done,' he was beginning to sound agry, really angry

'Shh,' Beckett soothed him 'Calm down, it's not a big deal,'

'It is..anyone hurting…you is…definitely..a big deal,'

Beckett smiled slightly and pulled him closer, clinging on to him in the oppressive darkness.

…

Alexis was home late from school. She'd picked up a whole bunch of extra curriculars in th hope that Stanford might reconsider her, and she was working on three different projects as well.

'Hey, Dad I'm home,' she called as she unlocked the door 'Sorry I'm late I just…' she trailed off as she turned to look at the apartment. The fridge door was on the other side of the kitchen and there were scorch marks everywhere. Alexis walked over and stopped abruptly as she saw a little trail of blood on the floor, leading back to the door. Panicked, she pulled out her cell phone and hit speed dial.

She let it ring until it went to answerphone 'Aw, c'mon, Dad!' fear washed over her and she ran into the kitchen looking for any sign of her family

'Dad?' she shouted 'Gran?...Anyone?' suddenly she noticed something on the counter. A small white envelope, apparently unaffected by the explosion. She crossed to it and flipped it over and was shocked to see it was addressed to her. Confused and angry she flipped it back again and ripped it open. There was only one small piece of paper in there with a few lines of writing. She began to read:

_Dear Alexis,_

_Most__ girls __are __told__ that __they're __one __in__ a __billion, __or __one __in __six __billion, __or __at __least __they __like __to __be __told __that. __As __it __is, __you __are __only __one __in __three. __One __in __my __three._

**Hope liked it :) Reviews appreciated :)**

**Emz xx**_  
><em>


	6. Two and three

**This one's shorter again but I wanted to update. Thanks again to everyone who's reviewed/added me to alerts, means a lot :)**

**Disclaimer: How I wish it was mine, it's not**

The letter freaked Alexis out, mostly because she didn't understand it. If there was one thing that Alexis Castle hated, it was not understanding things. She sat there for a minute contemplating it's meanings when a step behind her made her jump.

'Alexis,' she spun around where she stould and breathed a sigh of relief as she saw her Grandmother standing behind her. She looked tired and worried, and Alexis noticed that she was clutching a white envelope in her hand.

'Gran? Gran what's going on? What happened in the…' she turned to look again at the wreckage of the fridge '…where's Daddy?'

Martha looked down at the floor 'I don't know, darling,' she said and when she looked up again there were tears standing in her eyes 'But I have an idea,'

Alexis began to feel scared, she wanted her dad. 'Gran? Where is he Gran?'

'I..I think he's been kidnapped,'

'Kidnapped? How can he have been kidnapped?' her voice climbed an octave as she said it

'Well, it's simple really' a male voice came from the direction of the door and the two women spun around quickly

'You!' Martha shouted at him 'Where did you take hime?'

'Gran?' Alexis grabbed hold of Martha's arm 'Gran who is that?'

'Oh, sorry Alexis, how rude of me. I'd be your father's kidnapper, how'd you do?'

'What?'

'That's right sweetie, I've kidnapped your father, and his little lovergirl cop friend…and now I've come for you,' Martha pushed Alexis a little behind her

'And I see you've got my letters, I'm so pleased, now if you'd just come with me,' he gestured to the door

'You're kidding right?' Alexis asked, her voice full of panic and confusion

'Oh c'mon ladies, don't make me do it the hard way,'

'We're not going anywhere with you,' Martha said firmly

Jerry sighed sadly

'I'd hoped you wouldn't be like this, it just makes things more unpleasant,' he took a step closer and they copied him, backing away

'Look, I'm trying to be nice about this, ladies. Please don't make me angry,' he took another menacing step towards them and then broke into a run. He was across to them in three strides and Alexis screamed as knocked her to the floor. Pain seared through her head as he smashed it into the floor and everything started to go blurry. She turned around slowly trying to shake off the dizzyness, just in time to see him slam her grandmother's head into a kitchen counter. She tried desperately to sit up but her head was throbbing and before she could fight against it the dizzyness took over and she passed out.

…

'Alexis? Alexis? Alexis, sweetie can you hear me?' as she began to wake up she could fell someone stroking her hair very softly, soothingly, but it didn't help with the throbbing pain in her head.

'Alexis? I'm gonna look after you okay? I promise, I won't let anything happen to you,' Alexis recognised the woman's voice, but her head hurt too much, she couldn't place it

'Alexis? Alexis! Sweetie I need you to wake up for me, I think you've got a concussion,' she understood what the woman was saying, and she tried, really tried, to rouse herself. But it was no good. She just wanted to sink into the darkness, to sleep.

'Alexis! Wake up, c'mon! Castle'd never forgive me if I let anything happen to you…I'd never forgive me,' a glimmer of recognition passed through her then…she knew that voice, she trusted that voice, even though lately she'd hated that voice.

It was Beckett, trying to protect her from the darkness attempting to engulfe her

**Hope you liked it, thought it would be nice to have a bit of Alexis, back to Beckett again next chapter though I think. Any and all reviews appreciated, love to know what you all think :)**

**Emz xxx**


	7. Together in darkness

**Righty, next one. Again thank you to everyone for all your support. Means a lot. Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: nope :(  
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The darkness was so threateningly complete that all sense of time had disappeared, and Beckett didn't know how long it had been since that guiar had come smashing down over her head. It might has well have been a lifetime ago, it felt like one at least.

The sound of movement melted the solid blackness, made it feel just that slight bit less permanent. Carefully, she cradled the unconscious form of Alexis Castle to her, protectiong her from the threat that the unkown sound presented.

'Who is it?' she asked the room

'Don't worry, kiddo, it's only us,' Beckett breathed a tiny sigh of relief as Martha replied

'Castle?' she couldn't shake the slightly mad worry that flavoured her voice. He'd hardly woken up from his first 'talk' with Tyson. What if he didn't wake up at all this time? The thought made her feel sick to the stomach.

'Yeah?' his voice was hardly even a whisper, but just a coherent word from him made her heart beat faster

'Castle? You okay?'

She heard him come closer until he was right up next to her

'Never better,' his sarcasm was lashed with something deeper, a kind of sickness

'What happened?' Beckett asked quickly, turning to where he'd slumped against the wall, her hands reaching for his arm

'He gave me painkillers,' Castle's voice was bleak

'What?'

'He said he wanted me to ba able to concentrate, and that I couldn't if I was in pain,'

'Concentrate on what?' she asked suspiciously

'His…antics,' Martha replied, the same sickened note in her voice

'Wh..I..' Beckett started

'He made us watch while he killed his third,' Castle replied, pained

'Oh god,' was Beckett's own choked reply 'Are you…okay?'

'I've been better, kiddo, I'll tell ya,' Martha replied. Castle didn't answer, only coughed and then said seriously

'Where's Alexis?'

'Here,' Beckett slid her hand down his arm, took his hand and placed it on top of Alexis' still head 'She's been drifting in and out of consciousness for a while. I can't keep her awake,' Beckett's voice was apologetic, she didn't know what else to say

'Is she badly hurt,' the deep, loving concern in Castle's voice made her heart ache, his ability for loving other people, his caring nature, was part of what made her love him so much. And much as she wished he'd sound like that when he was talking about her, she loved how much he loved his daughter.

'I think she had a pretty bad blow to the head, there's a pretty big lump,'

Castle sighd, exhausted and worried

'Castle?' she asked very quietly 'Are you sure you're okay?'

'No,' was the simple reply 'I'm really not okay, why?'

'Because I'm not either,'

…

When Jerry came back again they were all asleep, so he simply jumped on Beckett's leg and let her scream of pain be their wake up call.

'Morning all,' he said pleasantly 'I've been looking forward to today for such a long time,' he sounded almost like a child on Christmas morning, only slightly more psychotic.

'C'mon. Wake up! I have brilliant news,' slowly Caslte, Beckett and Martha all sat up a little, Beckett still couldn't hear any movement from Alexis and quickly reached her hand out into the darkness to feel for a pulse in the youn girls neck. Faint as it was, she felt the flutter of a heartbeat under her fingers and stroked the girls hair comfortingly before retracting her hand and moving it to her newly injured leg.

'Wha is it, Tyson?' Castle asked coldly

'Ha! Funny you should say that,' he replied 'You see Castle, today is decision day,'

'What?' Castle sounded thoroughly confused

'Well, here's the deal. I'm bored of keeping you all locked up. It's time to let you go Castle…question is who d'you want with you?'

'Wait…what?' Castl asked again

'Look, it's simple if you pay attention. Next Monday I get to start all over again –and I figured what better way to start the week than by killing someone close to the man I hate, someone that he loves,'

Castle was shocked 'Firstly, that is _not_happening. Secondly, if you only want to kill one of them, then why are they all here?'

Jerry laughed

'Oh Castle, you just don't get it, do you? I need you to _choose_. Choose which one to sacrifice to my own personal alter…And by the way, this whole building is set to blow in about two hours, so the best news is that the two you don't choose get to die quickly. You got two hours, Castle, I'd start thinking if I were you,'

**Hope you liked it, please review :)**

**Emz xxx**


	8. Time to decide

**Hey, got this one written and won't get a chance to update again before I go away so I thought I'd put it up now, sorry in advance if you don't like waiting**

**Disclaimer: Sadly not mine, not one bit :(**

Jerry's departure left his threat hanging in the air for what seemed like forever. No one wanted to move, to speak. No one wanted to address the question. No one wanted to make it real.

'Whas goin' on,' Alexis' speech was slurred and she sounded groggy, but she was talking, and that was something at least.

'Alexis?' they all reached for simultaneously

'Whoa..gimme some space. Why it so dark in here?'

No one wanted to answer her question

'Alexis, sweetie, are you okay?' Castle reached his arm gently around her shoulders

'I'm not…I dunno if…' she trailed off

'Alexis?' Castle asked, shaking her a little. She didn't reply 'Alexis?'

'I told you, Caslte. Drifting,' Beckett said quietly, unconsciously reaching for his arm again in the darkness

'It's probably good she's not awake right now,' he answered in just as hushed a tone, 'She shouldn't have to deal with this,'

'You need to get her to a hospital, Richard. You and Beckett,'

Castle wasn't stupid, he knew what she was implying 'Mother, that's not happening, you're not doing this,' he insisted

'Well then who is, Richard? I'm old, I've lived and loved, and, oh, all sorts of fun. I'm the sensible choice,'

'No,' Beckett's voice came from behind him 'You guys go, I'll stay, _that__'__s_the only logical option,'

'How, exactly?' Castle asked, and there was a strange note in his voice

'Well first of all, you're all a family. That way you don't lose someone you love,' Castle coughed uncomfortably

'Secondly, Martha, you've lived an amazing life. You're a unique person and you deserve to carry on living life to the full until it's your time. Then, of course, Alexis is completely outta the question, she's way too young she's only just started living. I'm just a cop, there's hundreds of people who can do what I do, think the way I think. I'm replacable. The rest of you aren't. Problem solved,'

'Beckett you're being..'

'Sensible,' she cut him off 'I'm being sensible, Caslte. I don't even understand what I'm doing here, but somehow it makes sense that I'm the one that doesn't leave,'

'Beckett…kiddo, you're young, you've still got so much to do with your life, you're far too young to die,' Martha's voice was sad, but stern.

'Look, neither of you are dying okay!' even though she couldn't see him, Beckett could picture exactly how his face must look, sad, haunted.

There was a step from not far behind them and they turned, pointless as it was, towards the direction of the sound.

'Ooh, this is great isn't it?' he asked 'All of you debating who's gonna die, it's just fascinating to listen to,'

'Stop it, Tyson!' Castle shouted at him, surprising Beckett, she'd never heard him that angry before

'Why? It's fun. Now you've had just over an hour, it's time Castle. Who do I get to kill?'

'No one. You're not killing anyone…unless it's me,'

Jerry laughed

'That's awfully gallant of you. But last time I checked, you weren't my type,'

'Well, neither are they,'

'Oh…yeah about that, they are now. I improved them,' his voice was patronising

'What? What did you do?'

'Why don't you ask Katherine, here,'

'Beckett?' she heard him turn towards her 'What's he on about?'

'Well…I…I'm kinda blonde,'

'Why?' his voice was incredulous 'Why would you…but you're perf..' he trailed off

'Because, Castle, she clearly got tired pining over you and decided to move on with her life. Invest in someone who would actually pay her due care and attention, someone who deserves her,'

Beckett didn't know how Castle managed to find Jerry in the darkness, but she knew he did as she heard fist coming down on flesh

'Castle!' she shouted 'Castle stop it!'

She heard something slam to the floor, and then for a moment there was simply aching silence

'Right then, now that's done, back to business,' Beckett's heart sank a little as she heard Jerry

'Who do I get then? Do we have a winner?' he laughed, apparently finding himself incredibly funny

'Me' both Beckett and Martha spoke at the same time

'Ooh, eager are we?' he laughed again

'Take me,' Beckett said quickly before Martha could say anything else

'No,' she insisted quickly after 'Kate, I need you to look after him,'

'Oh god, this is fun,'

'Jerry,' Beckett said, 'Kill me, please. I promise I'll make it worth you're while, I'll scream and cry and beg. Whatever,'

'Tempting,' Jerry chuckled 'You know I think I'm gonna have to take you up on that one. Congratulations,' she felt as he reahced for her and grabbed her arm, pulling her up off of the floor roughly

'Say goodbye to your loved ones, Kate dearest,' he clapped handcuffs on her 'Although there's not a lot of point really, you'll be seeing them again soon enough. That is if you believe in the afterlife of course,'

'What?' Beckett asked fighting to turn around and look at him through the impossible dark

'Oh, did I not mention that? The bomb wasn't just here to hurry along the decision…that's how I'm killing my other two,'

**Hope you liked it, Reviews? :)**

**Emz xxx**


	9. Getting outta there

**Righty heres the next one, sorry about the wait I was in holiday, hope this makes up for it, it's a little weirs cos i was trying to show his thought process more clearly :)**

**Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine  
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When Castle woke up, the first thing he thought was that his head hurt. Really hurt. In fact, everything hurt, and it began to occur to him that the painkillers must have worn off, and now he was experiencing the full and excruciating pain of the beatings that he had received over the last few hours.

The last few hours

Everything had happened so quickly, but he had that nagging feeling that he was forgetting something really important.

Something about time

Time

Ticking

Bomb

Shit. That was the thing, there was a bomb, and the bomb was to make him choose, choose…something. His mind just wasn't working properly and he shook his head to try and lift the mental fog that was working to envelop all conscious and coherent thought.

He had to decide

Decide on what?

It was important, he knew that much, and…it involved Beckett

That made sense at least. Everything important in his life was about Beckett…or Alexis…or…

'Richard?'

Not now, Mother. I'm nearly there

'Richard?' He resisted the urge to answer her aloud. He needed to get his head straight before he started talking. Speech would break his concentration.

Where was I? He thought. Beckett, Alexis, Mother. Decide.

Beckett

Alexis

Mother

Decide

Death

Beckett

Dead?

'Richard!' he finally shook off the haze

'Mother?' he stood up, ignoring the wave of dizziness and pain that tried to pull him down again

'Richard, are you okay?'

'Where's Alexis?' the confusion had given way to panic

'Here, Dad,' her voice was a little shaky, but she sounded okay. That was all he needed for now

'Beckett?'

No reply

'Where's Beckett?'

Silence

'Mother? Where is she?'

Martha's voice was resigned, apologetic even 'He took her,'

He'd known it, he'd thought that he'd known it at least. But now he couldn't believe it. Didn't want to believe it. The blanket of fog tugged at him, offering him a release. He ignored it.

'When?'

'Maybe five minutes ago, ten,'

Images began to flash across his vision. Crime scene photos. The murder board. Beckett's murder board.

Rope

Green rope

Pretty girls, laid peacefully on the ground

In the gutter

Strangled

With green rope

He fought off a wave of sick panic as he thought of them, and of Beckett.

'Richard?' she interrupted him again

'Yes, mother?' he was shocked by how calm his voice was

Not calm, he realised, emotionless. He was drained, exhausted. Everything was slipping completely out of control, and everything _hurt_.

'We have to get out, darling,'

'Why?' his voice was dead

'The bomb,'

'Oh, yeah,' the bomb. His mother was right, he needed to get them out. Now. He tried to focus

'You remember the way outta here?'

'Vaguely,' she replied 'Perhaps you should go first, dear,'

'Alexis?'

'Dad?'

'Where are you?'

'Here,' he felt her reach out and grab his leg

'Sweetheart, can you walk?'

'I dunno' he leaned down and held her arms, pulling her up to lean on him 'Ouch…yeah, yeah I think so,'

'Good girl,' he pulled her into a quick hug and planted a kiss on her hair 'Let's go then,'

…

It was easier than he thought it would be to find the small flight of wooden stairs that led down into the room. The pain he felt was excruciating, but he still didn't find it difficult to walk. Adrenaline he guessed.

They climbed up into the room above without talking, and into the adjoining room, the first one Castle remembered after being taken there.

Through that room there was another staircase, this one leading up. He signalled for them all to remain as quiet as possible, and then led the way up.

As he reached the top he looked around and was taken aback by what he saw. It was a living room. Normal, bog-standard living room, complete with a leather couch and flat-screen. An idea came to him and he started to search the room for a phone

'Well, the man's certainly sitting pretty for someone on the run,' Martha remarked as she helped Alexis up the stairs

'That is a nice T.V. Dad, his T.V. is better than ours,'

He forced a laugh, 'I doubt this place is his,' he replied absently, still searching the room. Finally, right in the corner, he located the cordless handset, given away by the flashing red message alert. He reached for the phone and then stopped

Something was wrong

From behind him he heard Alexis 'Wow, look at the remote! It's got a screen on it-hey Dad why doesn't' our remote have a-'

'Alexis don't touch it!' he shouted at her

She stopped dead and stared at him

'Why?' she looked confused, probably partly due to her concussion

'What did he say? Jerry? He said that there was a bomb,'

'So?' she asked, and he noticed that her speech was beginning to slur a little again

'So…look at this place. Look at all the electronics,'

They looked

The room was full of fancy expensive gadgets, and each one had it's own tiny red flashing light

'Now listen,'

They listened

Faint as it was, almost undetectable, it was there.

A slow and steady ticking

Alexis turned and looked at the controller in her hands as if it were a deadly animal

'I think we should leave,' Martha said quietly

'Nuh-uh,' was his reply 'Look at the door,'

Again, they looked

Across the door, almost invisible against the dark wood, were criss-crossed hundreds of tiny wires.

Wires which, they all figured, ran off and connected to their own fancy electronic gadget with a tiny red flashing light.

**Hope you like it :) Reviews? :)**

**Emz xx**


	10. Friends like these

**Hey so here's the next chapter, I'm sorry it's been so long I've just been crazy busy. I've got up to Ch16 written-just need to type them up. Anyhoo thank you so so much to everyone who's reviewed/favorited/added me to alerts. It means so much to know people like it :)**

**Disclaimer: I wish it was mine so much, my wish still hasn't come true**

'Dude where the hell is she?' Esposito was sitting with his feet up at his desk, watching as his partner returned from Beckett's apartment.

'Well, there's good news and there's bad news,' Ryan replied, dumping his jacket and some papers on his chair and then perching on his own desk, opposite Esposito.

'Well?'

'Bad news is: her guitar is definitely dead,'

'Good news?'

'Good news is that she isn't, at least not yet,'

'What'd you find?'

'This,' Ryan handed him a plastic bag with a single piece of paper in.

Esposito read aloud 'Dear Kate, most girls are told that they're one in a billion, or one in six billion, or at least they like to be told that. As it is, you are only one in three. One in my three…Dude, what the hell is this crap?' his tone was more irritated than he meant it to be, but he couldn't help it. Beckett was like his sister, hell she was his sister-good as- and it would be a very sorry son of a bitch who tried to hurt her.

'This crap is our answer,'

'How, exactly?'

'Cos we found two more of these…' he dug through the stuff he'd placed down with his jacket '…one, addressed to Alexis…' he fished out another one '…the other, addresses to a Ms. Martha Rogers,'

Realisation dawned on his partner's face

'Castle,' he said looking at the notes 'They're targeting Castle,'

'Not them,' Ryan replied 'Him,'

Esposito raised his eyebrows at him

'Read who it's from,'

He did

'Son of a bitch,' he exclaimed as he saw Jerry's name 'Dude, you okay?'

'Yeah,' and he meant it ''Cos we're gonna get the jackass this time, and before he hurts the people we care about,' Ryan tried to shake off the worry twisting in his stomach that they might already be too late. Beckett was family, and the Castle's were basically family, and if there was one thing Kevin Ryan did above all else, it was make damn well sure that no one touched his family.

'So, where d'you wanna start then?' Esposito asked

'Well, I think we should think where he mighta taken them, look for empty hous-'

'Javier Esposito!' the Detectives turned to the voice coming form the direction of the elevator

'Baby? What're you doing here?' Esposito scrambled out of his chair onto his feet

'Don't you 'baby' me,' Lanie fumed as she strode over to him, and he took an involuntary step backwards

'Now, could you please tell me what in the hell is going on?'

'What are you talking about?' he asked, trying to look innocent

'I just heard on the news-the _news_- that a female detective from the NYPD was abducted from her home early this morning. And then when I go round to check on my best friend who is, incidentally, a female detective from the NYPD, some dude with a badge and an attitude tells me that it's now an official crime scene,' he took another step back 'What happened, and where the hell is Beckett?'

Esposito tried another step back from her, but was stopped by his desk which he promptly fell backwards onto, scattering pens onto the floor.

Lanie stepped back from him, sighing irritably

'Ryan?' she asked, dangerously calmly

'everything is completely under control,' he replied tightly

'Kevin Ryan don't you lie to me!'

'Lanie, we're doing everything we can, I promise. And as soon as we find them, I swear I'll let you know,' he realised his mistake as soon as he'd made it

'Them?' her eyes flickered with the promise of murder

'Yeah…well, it wasn't just…Beckett,' she raised an eyebrow 'It was kinda…um…Alexis…and Martha…'

'…and Castle,' Esposito finished quietly

A whole screenplay of emotions flickered across the M.E's face and both detectives scrambled backwards onto their desks as she began to show the innate need to hit something. Finally, she calmed down and stalked off back towards the elevator

'Maybe you two should stop acting like scared little puppies and do some detecting,' she suggested coolly ''Cos I swear that if any of them turn up on my slab, then you two are both so very, very dead,'

…

'Got it!' Ryan shouted as he re-entered the bullpen for about the twentieth time that day

'Wait, really?' Esposito jumped up from his computer and almost ran to his partner

'Yup, witnesses say they definitely saw a guy matching Jerry's description lugging various crates into and out of the house this morning,'

'But how do we know it's not just the actual house owner?'

'Thought of that,' Ryan replied just a little smugly 'Turns out the neighbour called the police last night because he saw 'suspicious activity' outside the house,'

'Suspicious activity?'

'Yup, he says that last he heard from Mr. Andrews, he's going on a relaxing cruise to the Caribbean for a month and then two days ago a young man shows up claiming to be Mr. Andrews' nephew, saying that his uncle forgot that he was coming to stay and hadn't left the key in it's usual place,'

'What, and the guy bought it?'

'No, that's the point. The neighbour refused to give the guy the spare key and made him leave, but then last night he heard strange noises and when he looked outside he saw the same guy fiddling with the lock-at which point he called the cops, but because he couldn't be sure it was a break in they dismissed it,'

'You know dude, sometimes, I think you're almost as good a cop as me,' he laughed and Ryan hit him on the arm 'I'm kidding, you ready to get the son of a bitch?'

'Let's do it,'

…

'Dad what do we do?' Alexis looked around at the various appliances, all threatening to end her life at the push of a button

'I don't know, wait?'

'For what?'

'I don't know,' Castle sighed. His despair at their situation was beginning to collaborate with his physical pain to render him completely helpless.

'How long d'you reckon we've got?' she asked and the calmness with which she did so made his heart sink

'Two hours, maybe three?'

'Okay,'

How had he ended up here? Facing imminent death with his mother and his daughter…and his daughter. How was his lovely, innocent, teenage daughter being so completely accepting of the fact she was going to die?

Of course, he knew the answer to both parts. The latter was simply that Alexis was, and always would be, the most mature and sensible child he'd ever known. His darling, sensible little girl was perfectly able to face death because she was brave, braver than he had ever been, and that was exactly why he thought the world of her. She was sweet and kind and, even as she faced her mortality, she wasn't even complaining, and she wasn't afraid.

The first part was more painful for him to face. The fact of the matter was that he was there in that room because of Beckett.

Everything in his life now was about Beckett.

It wasn't her fault, and he didn't blame her, but that didn't change that fact that he was trapped and about to die because of her.

If he'd never met her. If he'd never decided to shadow her. If he'd never realised how fascinating and beautiful she was…If he'd never fallen in love with her.

But he had.

Unfortunate though it might be, he had fallen and fallen hard. And even sitting there thinking about it, he wouldn't wish any different. If he's never met her, he shuddered at that thought. She'd made him so much better, there was no doubt about that. If knowing her, and loving her, came with the price of dying, then he'd rather die and have lived loving her than live and never know her to love.

From outside the door there was a bang and he jumped back to reality. He was expecting the worse, but suddenly he heard voices, voices he recognised. Voices he knew.

'Dude, let me get to the door at least,'

'No way, man. You did the front door, I'm doing this one, that's fair,'

'Whatever, dude, but if you hurt your shoulder like last time then don't come crying to me,'

Castle almost laughed with relief, and then a thought occurred to him and he ran to the door.

'Ryan?' he called 'Esposito?'

'Castle?' they called in unison 'Dude, stand back, Ryan and his mighty shoulders of steel are gonna break the door down,' Esposito laughed

'No!' Castle shouted 'You can't'

'Hey c'mon, dude. I'm stronger than I look okay?'

'That's not what I meant,' Castle replied

'What? Then why can't we break it down?'

'The whole room's rigged to blow, and the door's booby-trapped,'

'Crap,' came Ryan's voice

Castle heard Esposito calling for more backup and bomb disposal

'Castle?' Ryan called

'Yeah?'

'Just go sit down and stay away from the door. We're gonna get you guys outta there as soon as we can, okay?'

'Yeah, thanks,' he replied, his voice full of a mix of gratitude and relief

'Are you all okay, though? Can I talk to Beckett?'

'What?' Castle asked, and panic came happily bubbling back again

'What?'

'Isn't she…I mean, haven't you…found her?' Castle asked

'Found her? Isn't she with you guys?'

'No, he took her away,'

'Shit,'

'We've gotta find her,'

'I know,'

There was the sound of voices from outside and then a voice said

'Hello? Mr. Castle, I'm Agent Newlan, Bomb Tech, I'm gonna see what I can do to get you guys outta there, okay?'

It took the bomb techs over an hour working steadily to disarm the system, but eventually they declared it safe and the Castle's were ushered carefully out of the house that had been their prison.

Alexis' concussion was getting worse again, and Martha was also nursing a few nasty bumps, so both of them were loaded promptly into an ambulance and taken to hospital. Castle however, refused any medical attention and sunk immediately into conversation with Ryan and Esposito.

'He wanted to kill her the traditional way,' he was explaining 'Just like his others, that's why he made her dye her hair. He must have assumed that it would always end up being her, he was the one who made the decision, he just wanted to make it seem like I made it to make it worse for me,'

'Yeah but c'mon, do you really feel any better?' Ryan asked

'No,' he replied 'I will do once we've found her though,'

At that point a uniform walked tentatively over to them 'Excuse me, detectives,' she began

'Yes, Clarke?'

'I just gotta call on the radio, sir, there's been a murder – body was found about ten minutes ago in an alley, and we're one of the closest,'

'We're kind of busy, Clarke,' Esposito replied

'I know, but the call said that it's a white, female, early thirties and it looks like strangulation,'

She didn't need to finish the sentence, they'd all done that in their heads, but in some cruel painful twist of fate she did anyway

'I'm sorry, but it sounds like it could be Detective Beckett, sir,'

**Hope you liked it, I know it was a bit longer. Please let me know what you think :)**

**Emz xxx**


	11. Predator and Prey

**Hey! Next chap, hope you like it. Thank you so much to everyone who has shown their appreciation in all the various ways, 'specially the reviewers. Means a lot! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nada**

If what Castle had been running on before was adrenaline, then now it was sheer hope. He'd ignored Ryan and Esposito's shouts as he's bolted off into New York's back street's and he knew that he should feel guilty about that, but right now he just couldn't. Clarke had given him the location and he'd just run. He didn't want to wait for the official nonsense, the agonisingly slow car journey through what was rapidly becoming a steady gridlock of rush hour traffic.

He needed to run.

He needed to see.

See to believe.

He wove quickly between pedestrians, ducking down through back streets and alleys whenever it was quicker.

Finally, his heart pounding in his ears and his breath coming in long deep pants, he rounded the corner to see the yellow police tape.

His eyes searched through the crown of officials who were already busying themselves with tasks that seemed trivial to him. The photographer irritated him in particular, all that clicking and flashing, where was his respect?

Then he saw it, the body, covered with a sheet.

Her body?

He walked towards it slowly, his mind seizing up. Don't be her, don't be her, don't be her. Don't. Be. Her.

'Sir?' a man called from behind him 'Excuse me, sir?' the man ran up to block his view

'Get out of my way"' he shouted at him, noting on some level that the uniform was only doing his job

'Sir, this is a crime scene. You can't go over there,'

'You don't understand, I have to,'

'I'm sorry, sir, but I can't let you through,'

'Please!' he didn't care that he was begging, he was way past being above it anymore 'Please, you have to let me through. You have to let me see her!'

'I'm sorry, sir, are you a relation of the victim's?'

'No but she might – '

'I'm sorry, sir, if you're not a relation then I really can't let you through. Now why don't you let me help you on your way?'

Castle allowed the uniform to lead him politely but firmly by the arm back out of the alleyway and a little ways down the street

'May I call anyone for you, sir?' he asked, probably innocently but to castle he just sounded patronising

'No. Thank you, I think I'll walk home,'

'Er, sir, all due respect but I don't think that's a good idea. I mean you seem quite emotionally shaken, and physically it doesn't look like you could walk all that far really. May I ask what happened to you, sir, if there's anything I can do for you,'

'No, it's a long story,' Castle turned to a convenient shop window to look at himself and gasped

It was bad

The right side of his face was swollen all around his eye and he had a whole load of cuts and bruises. His clothes were crumpled and covered in blood and he realised with shock that he was only wearing one shoe. Come to think of it, he didn't really look just like he'd been beaten up, the state of his clothes almost made it look like he'd committed a murder himself. Why wasn't the uniform more alarmed by his appearance?

Why was he still being walked calmly along the street?

Why had the uniform got his hat pulled down so far?

Castle snapped out of his haze and looked, really looked at the uniform.

God, I'm an idiot, he cursed himself. His emotions were obviously clear on his face

'Ah, woken up then, have we?'

'Jerry,' Castle greeted him curtly, through clenched teeth 'Where's Beckett, Jerry? Just tell me,'

He laughed

'All in good time, Castle, all in good time. Now, would you like me to cuff you, or can I trust you to do it yourself?' He pulled the cuffs out of his belt and held them out on his finger, grinning.

…

'Kate? Kaaaatie? Kate, darling? Wake up, my dear,' Beckett looked around, blinking. She tried to get up but realised she was strapped down to something…a table maybe?

'Ooh, there we go. She's awake!' he clapped his hands and she flinched away from the sound. Not because it hurt, more because it disgusted her.

It didn't hurt.

Strange.

It should hurt. She'd spent the last twenty four hours being beaten and bashed around, and her head had taken the brunt of it. It should hurt. The fact that it didn't worried her. She felt weird though, strangely awake.

'It's the caffeine,' he told her, as if he'd read her mind 'You've been in and out of consciousness see, and I need you awake. So whenever your eyes were open I poured caffeine down your pretty little throat. Coffee, energy drinks, I even got you to swallow a tablet or two,'

'But…' she wanted to speak but she couldn't get her mind working properly

'Shh, it's okay, I know, it's hard,' he walked over to her and started stroking her hair, he clearly thought it was reassuring

'Thing is, if your head's throbbing as bad as it should be, all things considered, you're not going to enjoy this next bit nearly as much. So, I had to give you some painkillers as well, only turns out they don't mix with the caffeine so good. I imagine you're feeling kinda weird right now, my dear, Oh well, at least you're conscious now, and properly this time,'

She didn't really understand what he was on about, all she could think of was trying to get out. Well, that, and Castle.

Castle.

Where was he? She needed him. Needed to know he was okay at least

'Oh, I almost forgot, before we get started…I brought a little present for you. Well, actually it's not for your benefit as much as for my enjoyment, but let's pretend I'm being all generous,'

She watched him stride back out of the room, and then, almost as if he'd read her mind again, he returned with something that made her heart race. Castle.

Her Castle.

Covered in blood and various injuries. He looked like he was in pain, a significant amount of pain, and suddenly she felt incredibly angry and tried again in a vain struggle to free herself.

'Castle!' speech wasn't as difficult when it was his name, it was effortless. She watched his eyes widen in horror as he took in the room and it's contents, herself included. He shrugged off Jerry's hand from his shoulder and ran ti her, kneeling by the table. She tried to turn her body towards him but all she could move was her head. She stared into his eyes for all too short a time before Jerry yanked him up by the collar and pulled him away from her. She thrashed against the restraints, trying to turn to look behind her, to see him again.

'Pleasantries over, Castle-sit down, and pay attention. I need you to be watching while I kill your girl,'

**Right, before you kill me for doing another cliffhanger****, I've already uploaded the next chapter cos I didn't really want to leave this here but you'll understand why I did when you read the beginning of the next one. Hope you liked it anyway :)  
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**Emz :) xxx**s


	12. Back to one

**Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: If anyone wants to give it to me, I would happily accept, until then...**

When Jerry had yanked him into the room he hadn't known what to expect, but somehow the simplicity of the scene he'd observed made it all the worse. The stark, dull room with off-white walls and old scuffed floorboards. The large oak dining table, Beckett lying there, practically motionless, tied and taped to that same table. The single chair placed facing the table in the far corner. The piece of thin green rope sitting on that chair.

He ran to without thinking and knelt there, staring into her beautiful brown eyes before Jerry pulled him away again. He'd guessed the man's plan, but as those words hit him 'I need you to be watching while I kill your girl,' all he wanted to do was shout and fight. There was no point in doing that, he knew, if there were then Beckett would be. But he was cuffed and she was bound up too tight. He needed a plan, an incredibly ridiculous, crazy, stupid plan. Just the kind of plan that was refusing to offer itself to him.

'Any last words, Kate darling?' Jerry was crooning at her. Castle looked up and saw that he was stroking her hair. That was it. The anger bubbled up inside him and he ran at Jerry, shoving him away from Beckett with his shoulder

'Ooh, getting protective are we? Well too bad, Castle. You never appreciated her, so now she's my bitch,'

Castle aimed a kick at his shins but missed and Jerry retaliated by slapping him right where his eye was swelling. He staggered back at the blow and Jerry ran and grabbed the rope from the chair and climbed on top of the table. It was wide enough that he could kneel on it easily without kneeling on top of Beckett, but as he watched her flinch at a clumsy slip that brought his leg into her ribs, he seemed to take delight in her pain and sat back so that most of his weight was crushing her ribcage. Then in one deft movement that displayed a menacingly rehearsed skill, he looped the rope around her throat and began to pull.

Castle's head was throbbing and his vision was going blurry, but he could see well enough to aim another kick at Jerry's unprotected back. Unfortunately Jerry was quicker, he saw Castle from the corner of his eye and dodged his foot as it attempted to knock him off the table. He tugged harder on the rope and Beckett began to make choked coughs as she struggled under her bonds.

The table was big and heavy, especially with two people on top of it, but Castle knew that his next idea was probably the best he could come up with in the current situation. He ran at the table and pushed, rocking it ever so slightly, but not nearly enough to move it. He tried again as he saw Beckett's head straining back, trying to pull away from the thin rope. It rocked more violently and Jerry aimed a half-hearted punch in Castle's direction, but he was too involved with Beckett.

Third time lucky, Castle thought. He ran at the table again, throwing all his weight at it and using his cuffed hands to push it upwards. It rocked up onto two legs and he bent down and whacked his shoulder into the underside, finally sending it tipping over onto it's top on the floor with an almighty crash. Jerry cried out as the table and Beckett fell on top of him, scrambling madly to get out from underneath

'Help me!' he croaked at Castle, who was nursing his shoulder 'I can't…I can't…can't breathe,' he panted

'Well now you know how they all feel,' Castle told him calmly 'How do I get out of these?' he demanded, shaking his hands and their unsavoury accessories.

'K…Key,' Jerry replied breathlessly 'In my…my jacket,' he nodded his chin towards the corner opposite the chair where a black leather jacket lay crumpled against the wall. Castle stumbled over and fished around in the pockets until he found the small silver key. He walked back to Jerry and presented his hands to him 'Undo them,' he instructed, casting a nervous glance towards Beckett's still form, and reluctantly Jerry obliged. Castle flexed his newly freed wrists. Then, being careful to move Beckett as little as possible, he pulled Jerry out from underneath her and led him over to the heavy wooden chair, attaching him to it with the handcuffs before the breathless man even knew what was happening.

'Do you have a phone?' Castle asked him

'What's it to you?' Jerry snapped back

'Call 911,' he looked at him angrily 'Now,' Jerry dug his free hand into his pocket and dug out his phone, beginning to fiddle with it.

Castle rushed back to Beckett. She was unconscious.

'Beckett? Beckett? Kate? Can you hear me?' that awful feeling of panic was creeping back. He tugged at the restraints that held her, managing to loosen them a little and gently pulled her hair out of her face. Her neck was red and purple, bruised by the rope and bleeding from where it had cut into her. Images from that damned murder board began to flash across his mind again and for the first time through the haze and confusion he took in her bleached hair. It was falling softly around her, and though he preferred her natural brunette waves, he couldn't help feeling she looked innocently beautiful. Peaceful. She was so still, he didn't like how still she was. It was _too_ still, but he couldn't work out exactly why. Then it came to him.

Breathing.

She wasn't breathing.

His hand flew to her neck to feel frantically for a pulse 'C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!' he begged her

Nothing.

Everything about her was still, even her warm, loving heart, and Castle's panic gave way to a wave of despair that didn't just tug at him but pulled him right under the surface. He was drowning, and in answer to her still heart, his own heart was breaking.

**There's the actual cliffhanger :) Hope you like it, I personally always like reviews :)**

**Emz :) xxx**


	13. Life and death

**Hey, next chapter! Thank you so so so much to everyone for your support, especially everyone who's reviewed, it means so much to me, you've got no idea :)**

**Disclaimer: I, sadly, own not one bit of it-except the typos and the bad grammar, but hopefully you guys will ignore those :)**

Ryan didn't bother checking for explosives this time, because there was no time. He broke the door down and ran into the house, flanked closely by Esposito. A loud crash from down the hall, followed by muffled voices, alerted the detectives to movement. They moved quickly and silently down the hallway until they reached the door right at the end. Esposito looked at his partner long enough to count to three, and then they kicked the door open and entered guns raised, accompanying their entrance with a shout of 'NYPD, freeze!'

Jerry, who was handcuffed to a chair in the corner, dropped the phone that he had been holding and it clattered to the floor. Then, form around the tipped table in the middle of the room, Castle poked his head around, his face expressionless.

'Castle!' they called to him 'Dude, are you okay?'

He shook his head slightly and ducked back out of sight. The detectives walked over to the other side of the table to join their friend and gasped, part shock part horror as they took in Beckett tied motionless to the table top.

'Beckett?' Esposito called, kneeling beside her

'Oh God…is…is she?' Ryan looked slightly sick

'D-de-' Castle couldn't say it, not properly, but then again he didn't need to. They all knew.

Ryan turned around and kicked the wall and Esposito slammed his wrist against the hard floor.

'I got him to call 911, but I don't think…' he was finding it difficult to form sentences. Ryan turned to Jerry, sitting staring with a morbid intensity at Beckett's head-the only bit of her he could see.

'What did you tell them?' Ryan demanded him sharply

Jerry just laughed

'You think I actually called them? You really are a rubbish cop,' Kevin Ryan was not a violent person, but when he reached his limit he could be quite aggressive. And now he was at his limit. He turned around quickly and delivered a swift, single punch to Jerry's right cheekbone and then promptly pulled out his own cell phone and walked away, calling emergency services.

'She's not gone yet,' Esposito was reassuring Castle, although less for the writer than for himself 'She can't be, she'll hold on,'

'She's not breathing,' Castle's voice was dead again, empty. Esposito looked at him, then back to the woman he loved like a sister. He crawled closer to her and then, very gently using two fingers, he tipped her chin up and tilted her head to the floor, trying to open her airways in the best attempt he could make to get her breathing again.

…

When the paramedics finally arrived they were all business. They calmly asked Castle to go through what had happened and then moved to Beckett, producing small knives and scissors from their kit to cut her bonds.

'Careful,' one of them advised 'that fall could have damaged her spine, maybe even broken neck,' the idea he could have done something like that to her made Castle groan inwardly. He sat and watched, his mind almost completely shut down, his heart in his mouth, as a paramedic went through the motions of CPR, trying to get her to breathe again. It could only have been a minute or so, but it felt like hours when eventually the small dark-haired woman in her EMT uniform gave up on Beckett's still unmoving form. She shook her head at a fellow paramedic and turned away to talk to Esposito.

Castle was numb.

Worse than numb. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. All he could do was move meaninglessly and before he realised it he was kneeling beside her lifeless corpse, clinging hopelessly onto her limp arm.

He didn't even know why he did it exactly, only that some unconscious hope seemed to live on inside him, but without any conscious thought, he began to perform CPR himself. He pushed desperately on her chest, willing her heart to beat again, paying to any deity that might listen to let her live again. He pressed his lips on hers, trying against all the odds to get air moving through her lungs again. The paramedics tried to pull him off, telling him that it was too late, she was gone, but he hit them away and Ryan and Esposito stopped them from touching.

He didn't know how long he tried for, longer than he should have if he'd been doing it properly, but just as he leant in to try and breathe air into her lungs for maybe the twentieth time, something moved within her. Some life force, pulling her back into existence. Then she drew in a deep long breath and began to cough even as her eyes flew open to meet Castle's wondrous gaze. Her coughing and panting breaths where so violent that they wrenched her body off the hard floor and she clasped desperately at Castle's shirt, trying to get air in and out properly. Castle slid his hands behind her, supporting her head and back as her body heaved in its mindless attempt to live again and he turned frantically to the stunned paramedics.

'Help me!' he cried to them even as he turned back to the writhing form of the woman he loved.

**Hope you liked it! Did you really, honestly think that I would kill her? C'mon I'm not mean :) Please let me know what you think, even if it's like a word :)**

**Emz xxx**


	14. Fire and ice

**Short and not so sweet. Warning you now this is a weird one, but that is kind of what I was aiming for. Huge, massive, enormous thank yous to all reviewers and everyone else who has added me to alerts/favorites :) Cheesy as it sounds it a makes me very very happy :)**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's mine :(**

Everything was a blur. She had been in darkness, drifting away, and no one was there to save her. Like always she was fighting alone against the world. And then she couldn't remember anything, just like she'd been asleep and as her mind began to work again she felt a chill, realising that maybe she had not merely been sleeping.

…

At the beginning there had been something. A deep sharp stabbing pain that cut her so deeply that she couldn't ignore it. It was a voice, just a voice, coming and going irregularly in the whisperings of speech. There was so much pain in that voice, so much despair that it hurt her. How could it hurt? She was dead, drifting, wasn't she? The pain came again and she flinched back from it. Maybe she could wake up, if she wanted to, but she knew that if she did then the pain would consume her, for all she knew it could get worse. It could stay with her her entire life.

Besides, there was a peace and stillness in just floating away.

The pain came again, burning her like a tongue of flame and she tried to let go. She let her mind drift, weightless.

Slowly, before she even realised, a coldness began to take hold of her. It started in her fingers and toes and began to creep quietly upwards towards her head, towards her heart. The calm was gone, replaced by panic as she fought to rid herself of the ice climbing menacingly through her, but it wouldn't relent. It carried on purposefully until, despite her desperate struggles, despite her effort to reach the warmth of pain, the pain of feeling, everything seeped away-replaced only with ice. She tried one last thought, one last feeling, but it was too late. The cold had reached her heart and Kate Beckett was no longer herself, there was nothing inside her, only the ice.

That was the gap, after the ice had taken her there was just a blank space, and her mind shied away from the meaning of that gap. All she knew was that somewhere along the way, something had made the ice melt away, because after the ice had taken her over the next thing she remembered was fire. Beautiful, painful, boiling fire. Fire from the physical pain of something beating at her chest, fire from the feeling searing back through her limbs. Fire from the emotions swimming round the melting ice of her mind and, as she heard that beautiful burning voice break through the surface to her, fire from the love that was working hard to reheat her heart.

She wasn't ready to wake up, but she didn't have a choice. If she didn't choose the fire she knew the ice would come back again, and she'd be frozen forever. There was also something about how franticly the pain came to her chest-something, someone, outside her mental prison needed her to choose life. So she did. She gave in to the fire and let it burn through her instead, until dry hot air came rasping back into her lungs and she choked life back inside herself.

**I know it didn't really progress anywhere, and was strange, but I hope you all like it anyhoo, Let me know what you made of it ****:)**

**Emz xxx**


	15. Authors Note

**Hey, hello. Okay so if you're reading this then thankyou because it probably means I was on alerts and you bothered to look, so yeah, thankyou for that.**

**Anyway basically I feel really bad because I basically abandoned all my fanfics. Firstly I got caught up with all the Christmas stuff, but then basically I got really sick and have been really ill since then. Like I haven't been able to do anything, especially writing. My mind kinda shut down a little bit and I'm not even completely better yet but I'm getting there.  
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**So the point of this is to see if anyone is interested in me carrying on and finishing off, because if people actually are interested then I could start this up again, at least give it a bit of closure and a proper ending. So basically if you are still interested then just review or PM me and I'll see what I can do because all the feedback and support I had for this story meant a lot and I feel so bad for just leaving it, and I mean I know the ending so...yeah.  
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**And I'm really really sorry for leaving it because it drives me crazy when other authors abandon their fics  
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	16. Towards her head

**Hey, thankyou so much to everyone who's let me know they want more, it's great to know that people are still interested. Thankyou especially to the people who've expressed concern for my health, it means a lot, and I am getting better-it's just a pretty slow process and kinda irritating. So there's gonna be three more chapter's including this one. I'll get the other two up as soon as possible. And I hope it's worth it.**

**Disclaimer: Still not mine  
><strong>

Eight hours later she sat up in her hospital bed, staring at the hypnotic movement of Castle's chest as air came in and out while he slept. The swelling on his face had gone down fractionally and he now looked injured in a more fixed-up hospital way as opposed to the just-got-mugged way he had had eight hours previously.

She turned to look at the cards from Ryan and Esposito at her bedside and laughed quietly to herself at Espo's brief comment 'I've seen worse' before the more serious line 'Don't ever do that to me again Beckett'

A knock on the door made her whip her head around, an action which she regretted as it made her neck sear with pain

'Detective Beckett?' Alexis was standing in the doorway. She was wearing her own clothes but had a small dressing on one side of her forehead and her arm in a sling.

'Alexis?' Beckett smiled at the girl 'Hey, kid. You okay?' Alexis nodded a little sheepishly

'Yeah thanks but I…I actually came to see how you were,'

'Oh,' Beckett was a little taken aback 'I'm…I'm not doing so bad, thanks,' she replied as Alexis took a tentative step into the room looking slightly embarrassed.

'Alexis, are you sure you're okay?' she asked anxiously 'Maybe you shouldn't be discharged yet…'

'No,' the girl reassured her 'I'm okay, really, they just said I have to stay awake and under observation for a while,'

'Then what's wrong-are you still in pain, I can get a nurse if you-' she started to move without really thinking about it

'No! Please…I really am fine,' Alexis took another few steps, trying to stop the detective from moving too much 'I just…wanted to talk to you, that's all,'

'Oh,' Beckett was a little confused, but at least the girl didn't seem mad at her, not yet anyway 'Well, erm, you wanna sit down?' she nodded to the empty chair near where the girl was standing, opposite the one where Castle was still sleeping soundly.

Alexis sat down nervously 'Um...thanks,' she mumbled in reply

'So…what do you want to talk about then?' Beckett asked after a minute or so of awkward silence

'Well I…I actually wanted to…thank you,' she started looking intently at her fingers as she twined them together in her lap

'What?' Beckett had not been expecting that

'Well, I don't completely remember everything,' she carried on 'I wasn't exactly totally with it. But I remember you being there, when it was just the two of us, I remember you looking after me and comforting me and stuff,'

'Alexis that's…that's not anything you need to thank me for,'

'That's not it,' the girl said bluntly, finally looking the detective in the eye 'I know you were all grateful that I was out of it. You didn't want me to know what was going on, but I'm not stupid and just because I wasn't moving doesn't mean I wasn't taking things in. I know what that guy wanted and I know that you think you've slipped it past me, that I don't know what you did, but I do. I know that any one of us could be sitting in a hospital bed with those marks around our throats,' Beckett's handed drifted inadvertently to her sore neck 'but it's not any of us. It's you. And you made that choice, even though when you made it you probably didn't think that you and those bruises would ever even make it to a hospital bed,'

'Alexis,' she sighed 'Look it really doesn't-'

'Don't you dare say it doesn't matter!' Alexis fumed 'You basically sacrificed yourself for us. That _does_ matter,'

'But why? Someone had to-'

'Why?' she interrupted, jumping out of her chair ad beginning to pace 'Because I don't think you understand how stupid I've been being. I was going on and on and _on_ at my Dad, saying how you were messing him around, how you were no good for him and you didn't care. I thought that you were just playing with him…letting him traipse around after you for fun. I got so overprotective and I don't' know…it's like I decided you were the enemy or something. It didn't even cross my mind that you might genuinely care about him, about any of us…I was being stupid and selfish and immature and I'm just…I'm just really _really_ sorry,' she finished, slumping dejectedly back down into the chair as Beckett watched her, eyes widened in surprise

'Alexis that's…that's okay…you don't have to apologise,' she said quietly

'Yeah I do. I've been so completely _horrible_ about you and you…you did such a selfless thing for me. I don't even know how to begin to repay you,'

'Alexis, it's _fine_, I swear,' Beckett told her earnestly, looking the girl right in the eye 'You're acting your age. Honestly. If I were you I would have felt the exact same way…and things haven't exactly been as easy as they could have been with your dad lately…I get that you must have been pissed with me. It's not a big deal, I promise,'

Alexis looked sheepishly at the detective again before she suddenly jumped out of her chair and wrapped her arms around her 'Thank you,' she murmured into Beckett's shoulder and the detective let out a small chuckle in response

'Hey, that's okay,' she replied and then added 'Ouch,' as Alexis squeezed a little too hard

'Oh, sorry,' Alexis stood up again, smiling apologetically 'Anyway, I should probably go-Grams is waiting,'

'Sure, is she alright?'

'She's got a few bruises but apart from that she's fine,'

'Good,' Beckett let out a small sigh of relief

'She's actually talking about how the experience will aid her future acting ability,' they both laughed at that until Alexis' face grew serious again 'Detective Beckett?'

'Yeah?'

'I'm gonna be back tomorrow to see sleeping beauty over there,' she nodded towards her father 'Would it be okay if I came to see you too?' she asked, biting her lip

'That'd be great,' Beckett smiled back at her 'And you can call me Kate by the way,'

'Kay,' Alexis smiled a little shyly 'Bye, Kate,'

'Bye, Alexis,' she answered the girl's wave as she scurried out of the room and back down the hall in search of her Grandmother.

Beckett sat in the quiet for a minute, thinking to herself until a sound of movement made her turn to the occupied chair by her bedside. She smiled a little as she looked into his opening eyes 'Hey you,' she breathed

He smiled back at her gently 'Hey yourself,'

…

They sat there in silence for a while, just staring into the depths of each other's eyes. Not moving, not blinking- just staring into each other. Slowly, Castle reached out his hand to take hers, careful of the fresh cast that encased her arm but still not moving his eyes from her face and she responded by lacing the tops of her fingers through his.

'Castle?' she asked gently, moving her other hand to his arm 'You okay?' he didn't answer, just continued to search her eyes

'Castle!' he jumped slightly

'What?'

'What is it? She squeezed his hand reassuringly 'What's wrong?'

'I…I just…' he trailed off and she looked at him, her eyes gentle but questioning 'I'm just pleased you're okay. I mean…for a minute there I thought…I thought I'd lost you again,' he moved his other hand to carefully place a strand of hair behind her ear

'Lost me?' she smiled softly and looked down at their intertwined fingers 'You really think it's that easy?' she looked back up to meet his eyes as he laughed, but all too soon his face had fallen dark again as he moved his free hand to cup her cheek. Taking in his expression she pushed herself up a little further in the bed, ignoring her body's protests against the movement, so that she could look at him better 'Castle, I'm not going anywhere-I promise,' he moved his hand from her cheek back to the arm of his chair and looked away 'Hey? Castle? I swear, okay?'

'Don't swear,' he almost growled it 'Don't promise either,'

She stared at him, her eyes widening in confusion 'What? Why?'

'Because,' he turned back to her, his eyes pained 'Because that's not a promise you can keep,'

'What?'

'You always leave,' he was speaking quietly but there was anger in his voice

'I…what? I don't leave, when have I ever left?'

'Three months, Kate, three months and I'd only just got you back again,' her heart twisted and she knew he was right but she couldn't help getting defensive

'Castle c'mon you know I needed that time. I was sorting myself out, I was _healing_. I was always gonna come back,'

'But I didn't know that-did I? For all I knew you were done with me and were never coming back. Do you know? Do you have any _idea _how that felt?'

'Yes! I do, because you did it to me the year before, okay. Look Castle, I'm sorry. Really. If I could go back and undo it I would, but I _can't_. I told you I was sorry and I swear I'll never do it again!' she had pushed herself completely upright now, supporting herself with her good arm, trying not to focus on the way her battered body complained, staring right at him in a vain attempt to get him to meet her gaze

'I don't believe you, Beckett, I can't believe you,'

'Well try harder,' she begged him 'Please! I need you to know you can trust me,' he looked down at his lap, refusing to answer her 'Look, Castle, you can hate me okay? You can hate me, you can judge me, you can ignore me if it makes you feel better but please, _please_ -you _have_ to trust me,'

'Why?' he asked 'Why should I trust you?'

'Because you…loved me,' she said it quietly, her voice full of sadness 'Surely that counts for something,'

'I loved you? What the hell do you mean I 'loved' you?' he finally turned to look at her

'You told me that you loved me…and maybe you don't anymore, maybe you haven't for a while, but you did once-and that has to count,'

He was staring at her, his face somewhere between anger and shock 'Beckett, what the hell are you talking about?'

She looked away from him, trying hard to bite back the tears that were dangerously close to falling 'When I was shot you…you told me you loved me,' she said it almost defensively 'and I know that on the phone you said you didn't but I…I figured that maybe you did once but that you just…didn't anymore…' she trailed off and finally braved a glance up at him, still trying desperately to contain the tears 'Castle?' she asked in response to the vacantly angry expression on his face

'How…Beckett how can you possibly think that I don't love you?' he shook his head and ran a hand through his already tousled hair 'What the hell do you think I'm _doing_ here if I don't love you? Enjoying the view?'

'But I…you…you said that you didn't!' her tone was accusatory

'I was lying!' he shouted at her

'Why?' she was shouting at him now too 'Why the hell would you do that?'

'Because he made me!'

'So?'

'So? What do you mean 'so'?'

'So did you not think about the effect that might have on me? Telling someone that you don't love them and that you lied about it before?' she had her hand fisted in to the sheets and was staring daggers at him, all the while trying to ignore the hope that was making her heart beat faster in her chest

'I didn't know you heard me!'

'Yeah well I did hear you,'

'And were you thinking of telling me that sometime? I mean I get that you don't really care but a token 'Hey, Castle, I appreciate the sentiment but I'm just not really a writer kinda gal,' would have been nice,'

What? 'Wait…you think I don't care?' her chest tightened as his words really hit her 'How could you possibly think that I don't care about you?'

'Well you don't!'

'Yes I do! Of course I freaking care,'

'Oh and disappearing for three months was the perfect way to show that!'

'I was confused, I needed time to sort things out-you knew that!'

'Oh c'mon, Kate, that's as thin as it is stupid,'

'Stupid?' she fumed 'Why's it stupid?'

'Because it…just because it is okay. Look, you don't have to lie anymore, I'm a big boy-I can handle it. You don't care- I get it. You don't have to worry about me anymore because I'm not gonna bother you,' he got up to leave and they both realised that their fingers were still laced together. He tried to free his hand but Beckett clenched hers into a fist, yanking his arm back to stop him moving away

'Richard Castle don't you dare walk out on me!' she yelled at him

'Why not?' he shot back through gritted teeth

'Because you cannot _seriously_ think I don't care,'

He snorted 'Why?'

'Why? Hmm…let me see…because I've spent the last 48 hours being used as a human punching bag by a serial killer who was trying to get to _you_. Because I let said serial killer take me away to _murder_ me to protect _your _family. And- most importantly- because I love you,'

**Lemme know what you thought? **


	17. Towards her heart

**Next chapter. Hope it lives up to expectation and thankyou so much to everyone for your support. Means a lot!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine  
><strong>

He still wasn't looking at her and he continued to struggle with her hand as his mind tried to catch up with her words

'Castle?' she asked him 'Castle?' she tugged on him a little too hard, causing him to crash down onto the bed next to her and wincing as the movement jostled her beaten frame. She ignored the pain and fisted her free hand into his collar and he finally stopped struggling, if only to prevent himself from hurting her with his struggles 'Look at me,' she instructed, her voice soft-all the anger gone 'Look at me, Castle. I love you too, okay? I love you,'

'I...wha…' he couldn't quite process her words

'I love you, Richard Castle, and I know you can believe _that_ so don't pretend that you don't. I'm not lying to you, Rick. I really do… I love you,'

There was silence once she finished, an awful moment of quiet that almost dared them both to break it.

Then he kissed her.

It wasn't the same as the last time. Their last kiss had been an act of distraction that had turned into an outlet for their mutual passion. This was an act of passion that was fast becoming an outlet for their mutual love.

She seemed shocked at first but responded quickly, letting her uninjured hand drift up to twine into his hair. His hand left hers and travelled up to cup her cheek, stroking her bottom lip with his tongue until she allowed him entrance. He'd moved himself so he was no longer in danger of hurting her and was now perched right on the edge of the bed near her hip, holding her to him with one hand on her waist but as his other hand travelled from her cheek to her neck she flinched and pulled away, a moan of pain leaving her mouth before she could stop it.

'Oh god, sorry,' he apologised a little awkwardly before removing his hands from her body

'It's okay,' she mumbled, grabbing his face to bring his lips back to her own

'No, Kate,' he pushed her arms away and saw the hurt flicker through her endless hazel eyes before he realised what she'd think he was saying 'No! No, Kate it's just …you're hurt. You should lie down,'

'It's not that bad,' she argued

'That's because there's a _lot _of painkillers in you right now. I can guarantee that in a couple of hours you're going to wish you hadn't even sat up. Besides, you're dangerously close to pulling those IVs out,'

'Don't need them anyway,' she grumbled and he laughed a little

'Yeah you do,'

'I don't…I'll be fine,' she reached for him again but he caught her hand and moved his other to her neck, stroking it as gently as he could but she still flinched and pulled away

'That hurt?'

'Yes,' she sighed, frustrated

'And I was hardly touching you. Come on,' carefully he helped her settle herself back against the pillows before sitting himself back down in his chair beside her, taking the hand at the end of her plastered arm and twining their fingers together again. As she shifted she couldn't help the few hisses of pain that escaped her lips 'Ouch…kay, maybe you were right,' she breathed

'Do you want me to go get your doctor?' he asked gently, placing a hand on her thigh

'Oh God please don't,' she groaned 'I never want to see another medical professional in my life,'

'Patching up hurt a bit did it?'

'A little but I was in so much pain by then that I didn't really care,' he winced at that, hating how much she was hurting 'So…what is it then?'

She sighed

'They're all just so…so goddamn happy, all the freaking time,' she replied 'They all keep telling me that I'll be fine 'Right as rain in no time so long as you take it easy and keep your chin up,'' she mocked 'they just annoy me is all,'

He was looking right at her with an almost awestruck expression on his face; one that made her stomach do tiny little flips 'What?' she asked , confused

'Nothing,'

'Castle!'

'No it's just…like I said, I thought I'd lost you and now you're sitting here talking and being so…so…_you_,'

'Huh?'

'You're complaining about being looked after. It's like you've forgotten that you died,'

'I didn't die,' she swallowed uncomfortably, trying not to dwell on the gaping black hole in her memory that was begging the contrary

'Yes you did,'

'So, what, now I'm a zombie? C'mon Castle,' she laughed, cringing at how false it sounded, hoping he didn't notice

'You were dead for nearly four minutes…'

'Clinically dead,' she interrupted 'I was only clinically dead,'

He threw her a look that told her to stop pushing it 'You were still dead, Kate. For three and a half minutes, and believe me, that felt like a life time,' her heart twisted and she turned her body, angling towards him to meet his gaze

'I'm sorry,' she murmured, her eyes softening

'You don't have to apologise,'

'I'm not just sorry for that, I'm sorry for lying to you, for wasting time we could have spent together,' Oh crap, if she wasn't careful she was gonna start crying again, and she was so _sick_ of crying

'It's okay…I lied to you too,'

'Yeah because an evil psychopath was making you,'

'Doesn't mean I didn't hurt you,'

'Yeah well, considering you saved my life I think I can find it in myself to forgive you,' the corners of her mouth flickered into a small smirk

'That's right…I did save your life didn't I? What does that make it 8-10 to me?' he grinned at her smugly and she aimed a playful slap to his arm 'No, I'm sorry,' he schooled his features carefully 'I forgive you too. As long as you promise not to die on me again,'

'Well you can only die once right? So I guess that makes me immortal now doesn't it?' she grinned at him

'No fair,' he whined, making her laugh 'Kate?'

'Hmm?' she was still laughing

'Do you really love me?'

Oh. She looked right into his eyes and squeezed his hand in hers before speaking 'Yes, Castle. Really, I do,'

'But…I thought you said…I mean with your wall and everything. Seriously…if you want me to forget that you said it then I can just…'

'Castle,' she didn't let him finish 'I definitely don't want you to forget, and I don't want to take it back either. I meant it. I _mean_ it,'

'But what about the wall?'

'I…dying sorta…well it made me realise that life is too short to go building walls everywhere,'

'So it's gone?'

'No,' she replied quietly 'Not completely…but almost, and I think I know how to deal with the rest of it,' she smiled as she tugged on his hand to pull him closer until she could cup the side of his face with her hand and pull his lips to hers in sweet and gentle kiss. He moved his hand to her face and deepened the kiss, pulling him closer to her until a loud throat clearing from the direction of the doorway made them jump apart guiltily.

'Well that's new,' Lanie remarked, an amused expression on her face which made Beckett blush as her friend walked over and pulled her into a careful hug 'I'd ask how you're feeling but it clearly can't be too bad,' she smirked

'I'm better than I probably should be, all things considered,' she shrugged stiffly

'Now there's the understatement of the century,' Lanie quipped 'I talked to your doctor, girl, you're lucky to be _breathing_ let alone talking and well…whatever the hell else you've been doing,' Beckett and Castle shared a quick smile before she turned back to Lanie 'And _you_, Richard Castle, should be in your own hospital bed-the doctor hasn't given you the all clear yet,'

'What?' Beckett's head snapped to him and she flinched again. She really needed to stop making sudden movements-_any_ movements. Castle lifted a hand defensively

'I wanted to check you were okay, and _breathing_,' he tried to defend himself

'Castle, I'm fine-and that's thanks to you. You should take care of yourself,'

'I'm fine,' he disagreed

'No, Castle, if the doctor hasn't given you the all clear then you should be resting,'

'I can rest in here,'

'Nu-uh,' Lanie chipped in 'If you're in here then you'll be talking and…other things,' she was smirking again

'Well Kate has to rest too, I'll sleep when she does,' he mumbled evasively

'No you won't,' Lanie argued 'If you're in here you'll be watching her whether she's conscious or not. Go to your own room, I promise she's not going to stop breathing if you leave,'

'But-'

'No buts. I can always get Dr Blythe in here and…'

'No! Fine, I'll go,' he huffed, standing up to leave. He gave Beckett a quick kiss on the cheek before heading for the door and she saw that he actually wasn't walking too well.

'I promise I'll be back in a bit, okay?' he said before leaving and she nodded in response before turning back to Lanie, who's eyebrow had made its way halfway up her forehead

'What?' she asked innocently

'Don't 'what' me, Kate Beckett-I've spoken to Ryan and Esposito,'

'So?'

'So they've already got statements from Martha and Alexis and believe me, the unofficial statements are even juicier than the official ones. I know _everything_,'

'Oh,' Shit. Just what she needed

'Yeah 'oh'. Haven't I warned you before what'll happen to you if you ever end up on my slab?'

'Well yeah but-'

'Yeah but nothing, Kate. You were minutes, _seconds_, from that happening and you practically volunteered for it,'

'I was doing my job,'

'Sacrificing yourself is not your job, sweetie,'

'I wasn't sacrificing myself. I was protecting people I care about,'

'By sacrificing yourself,' the ME replied

'I didn't have a choice, Lanie,' she countered

'Maybe not,' Lanie didn't sound completely convinced but seemed to be accepting she wasn't going to win 'Just don't do that to me again, okay?'

'I promise I won't. I wasn't exactly planning on it in the first place,' she smiled

'Really?' the eyebrow was up again

'_Really_, Lanie,'

'Could've fooled me,' she replied, indicating the detective's hair

'Hey that was…a spur of the moment decision that I made when I was upset. Besides if I hadn't done it then you can be sure he would have and somehow I don't think that would have been an enjoyable experience,'

'Hmm, fair enough-but as soon as we get you home we're gonna have to do something about it. Unless you like looking like a Barbie Detective of course,'

'Ugh, no,' Beckett made a disgusted face 'Wait…what do you mean when 'we' go home?' she asked suspiciously

'Oh, honey, do you really think I'm leaving you alone right now? I've spoken to your doctor and he said that you can be discharged in a few days as long as you have someone to look after you at home,'

'Lanie that's sweet but I really don't need looking after,' she smiled at her

'I knew you'd say that which is why I checked-and Dr Blythe says that if you haven't got anyone at home to keep an eye on you and help you out then he won't discharge you for another two weeks _minimum_-'

'I-'she tried to interrupt

'_And_ the guys spoke to Gates and she said that if you discharge yourself AMA then she'll stick a protective detail on you just to make sure you don't slip over and crack your head in the shower,'

'So you're coming to stay with me?' Beckett replied quickly and Lanie chuckled in response

'I knew you'd understand,'

…

Dr Blythe came by twenty minutes later to check up on her, explaining that she'd had a very lucky escape-a broken arm and a few cracked ribs the only really lasting injuries apart from which she was just very beaten and bruised. The leg that Jerry had jumped on had managed to avoid a break because of the angle it had been at at the time, although the doctor advised to walk on it as little as possible for the next week or so in case there was any unnoticed damage.

'Now we still have a few tests that we should run,' he said as he flipped through her chart 'You weren't breathing for coming up to four minutes so we have to be absolutely sure that there's no lasting brain damage-although I must say you seem surprisingly alert,'

'Trust me, Dr. Blythe, it'll take more than a four minute gap in oxygen flow to the brain to slow her down,' Lanie piped up

'Shut up, Lanie,' Beckett replied, but couldn't stop herself from smiling at her friend

'Well, that said, we still need to do some scans to be sure. But providing we don't find any problems we should be able to let you go in about two days-with the assurance that there'll be someone at home to keep an eye on you,'

'That'd be me,' Lanie grinned- a little too smugly for Beckett's liking

'Excellent,' the doctor smiled back 'Well your testes are scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, I suggest that you try and get some rest now, it's very late and you've been through a lot these last couple of days,'

'Thank you, doctor,' Lanie smiled at him eliciting an eye role from her friend

'Wait!' Beckett stopped him as he reached the door 'Is Castle going to be alright?' The doctor frowned a little but then seemed to catch on

'Mr Richard Castle?' he asked

'Yes,'

'Well, Detective, as I'm sure you're aware I'm not at liberty to share information on other patients,' he started, but seeing the fear that crept into her dark eyes he added 'But I'm sure that Mr Castle wouldn't mind me telling you that he should be good as new in a week or so. No permanent damage,'

'Thank you,' she smiled at him with relief and he nodded in response before leaving Beckett and Lanie alone again

'Lanie you should probably go home and get some sleep,' she murmured, patting her friend's hand. The ME checked her watch and then settled back into the chair

'Not yet. My shift doesn't end for a good few hours yet,'

'Your shift?' Beckett raised an eyebrow

'Yep. Ryan, Javi and I have worked out a schedule so that you're not alone for more than half an hour at a time,'

'That's ridiculous,'

'No it's not. We love you and we almost lost you. _Again_. We don't wanna be away from you right now,'

Beckett didn't answer, simply sighed, annoyed that she probably wouldn't get even a minute to herself for a good while but touched that her friends were so concerned about her.

…

'So?'

'So what?'

'Don't mess with me, Espo. I haven't even been here twenty four hours and I'm going crazy and you and Ryan cleared off before telling me what happened,' Beckett whined at him

'Hey we saved your life, Beckett, you could be a little more grateful,' he replied, not taking his eyes off of his phone

'Castle saved my life,' she countered

'And who saved his life? Us. If we hadn't saved his life then he wouldn't have been around to save your life. Therefore, we saved your life by default,'

'We-'

'And you'd think that you'd be a little more grateful,' he still wasn't looking at her

Beckett sighed 'Javi?' she asked

'Yes, Beckett?' he turned expectant eyes on her

'Thank you very much for saving Castle's…and therefore _my_ life. I really appreciate it and I owe you like a thousand million drinks,'

'You're very welcome, Beckett, just don't ever do that to me again,' he said seriously, turning back to the phone in his hands 'And yes, yes you do…glad you're okay,' he added, a grin finally spreading across his face

'Now can you _please_ tell me what the hell's going on with the case?' she shot back at him

'Not much really,' he shrugged

'Esposito!'

'No seriously. Tyson's in maximum security lock up, trial's in a couple of weeks-hardly any need for one though I mean there's literally a ton of evidence against him. Everyone who's anyone in law knows that he _is_ 3XK and Gates says that you can testify if you want to but you don't have to since it's gonna be so easy anyway,'

'Wow, right. So it really is over then,' she let out a long breath and swiped a hand over her face

'Pretty much,'

'So what else is going on right now, then?'

'Ryan called while you were still asleep, said we caught a fresh homicide but that there were fingerprints all over the place and the guy they belong to has motive and no alibi. Ryan says he'll probably have a confession by the time I get there,'

'Normal day at the 12th then?' she smiled tiredly

'Well let's wait and see how badly Ryan screws up the interrogation before we confirm that,' he smirked and handed her the paper, turning back to his phone 'Now quiet, I can't get past this damn level and I have to prove to Castle that I'm better than him,' she laughed, but didn't reply, settling into her pillows and opening the paper as Esposito began swearing under his breath by her side.

**Just a quick note-in the interests of getting the story finished I decided not to go down the brain damage root. It is perfectly possible that she would have been perfectly fine, but I'm hoping you just took the medicine with a pinch of salt. Anyhoo hope you like it. Let me know :)**


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